


If It Fits

by SpaceSloth



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, First Time, John is 18, M/M, Sex, Smuppet blow job, Smuppets, and this is probably the most boring smut i've ever written, breaking down doors, failed use at a smuppet, i guess, my tags still suck, slight voyuerism, thank you ADD i have procrastinated working on other chapters, this is a serious tag list, yes wow sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:38:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceSloth/pseuds/SpaceSloth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John wants to have sex with Bro, but he wants to make sure he fits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If It Fits

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friend in her time of need for lack of Brojohn.  
> This is honestly probably the most boring smut I could have ever written.  
> I tried but I'm pretty tired, sorry nameless friend.  
> Also, it gets fluffy and silly and I just kind of lose track near the end.  
> Haha.  
> Enjoy yet another chapter of not anything else I'm writing about.

John stood inside a dark, cluttered room with nothing but the moon shining in from the window. He was fidgeting restlessly, thoughts racing through his mind as he forced himself not to turn back. He knew he shouldn't be in there, shouldn't be attempting to do what he was about to. He was already this far and he knew that no one was here, not even Dave. For weeks he'd been keeping track of Bro's work schedule and he should be out all night so he could definitely do this. 

Maybe, he gulped, the thought to turn back entered his mind countless times but he steeled himself with certainty that if he didn't do it now he never would. Tonight he would do it.

Tonight he would use a smuppet.

Without watching eyes or possibilities of being caught, he would be able to sate his curiosity without having a dick plunged head first into his ass. Without him feeling like he was completely gay. All he needed was a little pain and discomfort and his decision would be ultimately unanimous. If he can't take six inches of puppet nose up his butt without getting use to it, then there was no way he could try to take Bro and his rumored eight inches.

John blushed furiously at his trail of thought and bent down to pick up the blue smuppet that he always suspiciously thought looked like it was made for him, and clumsily ambled up onto Bro's bed. The creaking under his weight made him stiff and he looked back at the door he shut and locked making sure nobody was there. He waited in silence for a few minutes before quickly throwing his body down landing back first with a loud huff and the springs gave way with a groan. His eyes adjusted to see the blue cretin looking at him with dead, soulless eyes. It was almost turning him off when he thought about why he was doing it.

He gripped the sides of the thing tightly and gulped as he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, bringing the nose closer and closer until his lips wrapped around the edge. Even though it wasn't a real dick going into his mouth, he made a conscious effort to keep his teeth away for 'just-in-case' purposes. John was a little confused with himself as he slid the limb down his throat.

What was he supposed to do with his tongue? Or mouth, for that matter. Did it really matter as long as he got it covered in saliva? He came to the quick answer that it didn't matter and began lubricating it with spit before pulling it out of his mouth with a soft pop. His eyes widened and he quickly quieted the noise that no one had even heard. 

The situation and silence made him really scared but at the same time had him hard as a rock, pushing up the fabric of Bro's boxers, which he had so graciously borrowed from Bro's dresser a couple days before now. His nose scrunched as some of his spit dripped down onto his chin and wiped it off. God this thing was disgusting but it was the only way.

John set the smuppet aside with a frown and sat up, shimmying out of the boxers and letting them fall beside his feet before he laid back. He picked up the smuppet again and looked directly into it's beady little eyes.

"Alright, gross puppet thing," he whispered, a little shaky. "We're going to do this, you and me and you're gonna be going where no puppet has gone before so I expect you to be nice and hope that this goes well or I'm gonna die." Not really. He wasn't going to die but he couldn't come up with anything better to say and sighed reluctantly as he reached down and touched the wet tip of the nose to his entrance.

Without a second thought he eased the smuppet into him as hard and gentle as he could, biting his lip through the pain. It wasn't even moving in the slightest. That's it. He couldn't do it. The pain was too much to handle and he couldn't even get it in a centimeter.

John let out a disappointed breath of air when the door to Bro's room started shaking and being slammed against. He yelped out of shock when Bro came busting through, taking the door halfway off of his hinges.

"Fuckin' little brat locking my door. I'm gonna fuckin' take his door off and see how he likes it." Bro was muttering under his breath to himself as he dusted his clothes off. Apparently he hadn't heard John's surprise and reached to turn on the lights. John saw this and couldn't stop himself from shouting out.

"Bro, don't!"

Bro's figure stood stiff in the doorway, his face fixated on his bed. He was suddenly very much going to turn on the light to see who the hell was in his god damn room. 

Light flooded the room and through his sunglasses he saw a naked John on his bed with a smuppet at his ass. Bro stood there blinking, speechless. He had no idea what the hell Egbert was doing in his room with the door locked and one of his products near his shit-hole, but he suddenly found himself okay with it. Like hell he was gonna question it, and after the night he had, a little R&R via sex with the naked kid on his mattress wasn't a bad idea. 

Considering John was finally 18 and Dave was out, how could he not?

Bro dropped the duffel bag on his shoulder to the floor, suppressing a smirk that threatened to show itself. He didn't know how long he was hoping for something to happen so he could get into John's pants, he sure didn't think it would be this, but he wasn't gonna let this chance slip away.

"Well, well. I can't say I'm surprised you fell into the Strider web."

John was silent, shocked and burning red as he scrambled to hide himself by covering himself with the smuppet, curling in on himself and sitting upright pulling the blankets up.

"W-what are you doing here?" His voice sounded weak and accusing, though if anything it was Bro who should be asking that and John mentally cursed himself for ever having been born.

Bro walked away from the door that was barely hanging on and started taking off his shirt, casually talking like nothing was going on and John wasn't trying to be adorable and embarrassed in his bed sheets.

"Nothin' really. Just getting home from work. Probably was gonna go to bed but I see that's gonna be an issue seeing as how it's preoccupied."

John whispered a breathy oh my god before covering his face.

"What're you doin' here?" Bro mused, keeping his poker face but barely. It wanted to break and turn into a smile. It also wanted to kiss the red face hiding behind two hands.

John didn't reply. He simply couldn't. Out of embarrassment and out of fear and shame as to what Bro was thinking. He had no idea what was going to happen. He swallowed the lump in his throat and figured he should give some shitty excuse but the truth fell out.

"I... I had wanted to see if I could, uh, take one of those, uhm, smuppet thingies and, well... you know. Put it 'up there'," he made a face like he was talking about something completely ridiculous. "I wanted to see if it would fit because you're bigger and--" His voice faltered as he realized what he was saying, realized Bro was staring at him with a full on grin that he could no longer hide. 

Bro was suddenly on the bed with John, kissing him hard and moving him back so he could slide between his legs. His hands held John's face as the boy squeaked in surprise but kissed back in a sloppy, practiced way as if he had only kissed a mannican head. Bro found John's erection pushing up onto his stomach and rolled his hips downward. John groaned and gasped into the kiss, bucking up when the friction was gone.

This was going way too fast. This wasn't happening. This was a dream. A sick twisted dream that had gone terribly wrong but it was terribly great. Bro smiled through the kiss as he devoured John's mouth, making his way up John's jaw, down his neck and across his shoulders. He kissed and sucked at the bare skin, leaving light marks but nothing that would really stay. His thumb roughly rubbed John's nipple causing him to moan softly and squeeze his legs together, catching Bro's waist.

Bro kept teasing John's skin with his fingers and teeth, light and ghostly it was driving John mad and made his heart pound in his ears. He already wanted more. Forget the smuppet, if anything was going inside of him tonight it was gonna be Bro.

John reached down and took charge by grabbing Bro's hair and pulling him up softly to maul him with kisses and nip at his neck the same way Bro had done to him. A soft noise drifted from Bro and John remembered he was on the verge of exploding if something didn't happen soon.

He lifted his head up staring at Bro through clouded blue eyes. Bro looked down at him through his shades in question.

"Bro..." he swallowed, voice thick with lust. "Can you, uhm... can we.." Bro was silent and still, holding himself back until he heard the words he wanted, needed. "Will you have sex with me?"

Bro snorted. The question was unorthodox but that was all it took and he tore himself away from John to unbuckle his pants and pull them down to his knees. He wasn't wearing any boxers underneath, John found. John also found that the 'rumors', mostly Dave's words, were true. Bro was a couple inches bigger than average. All pulsating, raw and manly. 

John could feel his mouth start to salivate, thinking of what it tasted like, how it would feel against his tongue. His thoughts were interupted by Bro digging his fingers into John's ass and pulling his waist up to get him in the position he needed. 

"Shit," Bro muttered to himself. "There's no lube." John furrowed his brow wondering why they needed lube when there was spit. 

John grabbed Bro's hand and brought it to his mouth, flicking his tongue out against them before sucking them into his mouth and coating them with spit. Bro watched, kind of amazed at how resourceful John was but at how hot this was. John basically giving his fingers a blowjob all for the sake of what was about to happen.

John pulled the fingers out with a louder pop than earlier.

"There's your lube," he smirked, feeling triumphant that he had Bro gaping at him.

"You're too fucking hot, Egbert."

John was about to reply when Bro brought his lubed fingers to John's ass, wiping some of the spit outside before pushing his fingers in to get the insides good and wet too. Bro's fingers twisted and stretched him and John gritted his teeth. It wasn't as painful as when he'd tried to shove the smuppet up there, but it still hurt. John willed himself to relax as Bro worked a third finger into him to make sure he was prepared.

By the time Bro was ready, John was twitching and panting, a little whine escaping him as Bro withdrew his fingers.

"Glad the appetizer was great. Now here comes the main course." 

John was about to say something about his shitty analogies when Bro dropped John's hips to level him evenly with his cock, brushing the tip against him repeatedly but not going in.

"I've had enough teasing just do it already." John commanded, impatient and ready to get filled by Bro so he could come.

"Alright, alright. Calm down, princess."

Although John was ready, he still clenched as something larger tried shoving its way through his entrance. He bit his lip hard enough to bleed and silently waited the pain out as Bro slid inside. He was only halfway in when John asked if he was done. Bro mocked him and John moaned when Bro finally gave in and slammed in the rest of the way.

"A little pain turns you on, huh?"

"Shut up! I don't really know."

Bro snickered at John and pulled out of him before he could say another word, shoving himself back inside quick and hard. John reached up and dug his nails into Bro's shoulders, his legs trying to bring Bro closer to him. His dick twitched as Bro hit his prostate and he groaned in surprise and begged Bro to do it again. Bro missed the spot on purpose, barely brushing it with a sly smirk and John punched his shoulder angrily.

"I want to come, jackass!" John growled. He wished Bro would stop playing this hard to get thing and just hit it already.

"Alrighty, princess." Bro complied to John's demands and slammed into him, grabbing his unattended cock. Bro barely even pumped him twice before John was coming and covering his face with his eyes. He slid out of John and jerked himself off onto John's abdomen. John flinched at the sperm pooling onto his stomach and reached down to wipe it off with Bro's boxers.

"Hey! Where'd you get those?" Bro accused.

"Uh, your dresser."

"I knew I was missing something, you thief." Bro joked but John punched his arm.

"Ow, stop hitting me, bully."

"Stop being a pain in my ass then!"

"You're so not cute after sex. And here I thought we could cuddle."

John went silent and rigid. He frowned up at Bro.

"We can't?"

Bro almost choked on his words. John was definitely adorable. He dropped down next to John and wrapped his arms around him.

"You know, I made that smuppet you were trying to use for you a while ago."

John grimaced at the admittance. 

"You're so unromantic I can't even laugh."

Bro squeezed John and pulled his nose before giving his cheek a sloppy kiss.

"And you're a bully so it's even."

John made a face at Bro before giving him a kiss and cuddling into his warmth.

"Can we do this again?"

Bro grinned victoriously. 

"Hell yes."


End file.
